


No Fire Ants (Or Hair Dye) In the Apartment!

by mclovinparisknee666



Category: Scott Pilgrim (Comics), Scott Pilgrim - All Media Types, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Genre: Bisexual Julie Powers, Bisexual Kim Pine, But it's ok they're still friends, F/F, Julie being a little shit but in a good way, Kim Pine and Julie Powers are girlfriends, Kim and Wallace have a wholesome friendship, M/M, Past Julie Powers/Stephen Stills, Scott Pilgrim References, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Scott pilgrim being a huge asshole, There's some cussing and a couple f bombs, Wallace Wells being annoyed with Scott Pilgrim's shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:15:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29177022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mclovinparisknee666/pseuds/mclovinparisknee666
Summary: To a new visitor at the apartment of Wallace Wells and his freeloading roomie Scott Pilgrim, a highlighted and laminated Golden Rule plastered with Paw Patrol band-aids to the door (it was the only sticky material in the apartment, don’t judge) might have seemed a bit overbearing and excessive. Those visitors have obviously never lived with Scott Pilgrim.
Relationships: Kim Pine & Wallace Wells, Kim Pine/Julie Powers, Kim and Wallace are bonding we love to see it, Mobile/Wallace Wells, Scott Pilgrim & Wallace Wells, So much friendship potential there
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	No Fire Ants (Or Hair Dye) In the Apartment!

It was a crisp autumn morning in Toronto, Canada. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the leaves were being aggressively stomped on by all the small children who walked by. Everything was normal. Except for, I lied, everything wasn’t normal because it was October 31st, Halloween. Oh, and also, the sun wasn’t shining because it was 4:37 am. Despite the ungodly late hour of night, Scott Pilgrim was wide awake at his kitchen table cooking up a plan on how to get revenge on his roommate/bestfriend/arch-nemesis Wallace Wells. 

You see, last Halloween Wallace had pulled a truly inhumane prank on Scott and laced his shampoo with neon pink hair dye, which ended up taking several weeks to fully get out, though Wallace claimed it was only supposed to last a few days. (“Aw, c’mon Scott, I really didn’t know! All it says on the box is semi-permanent! How am I supposed to know how long SEMI is?”) Now, exactly a year later, Scott’s shampoo-based PTSD and crippling fear of hair dye had finally faded and all that was left was a cold, bitter stump where his heart had once been and a seething need for revenge.

After a long night of attempting to scheme the perfect revenge plot, getting distracted by the Twilight marathon on TV, dozing off, chugging 7 energy drinks in an attempt to stay awake, sprinting frantically around the house, and aggressively shitting in an attempt to get the excessive amount of caffeine from the energy drinks out of his system, Scott still had no idea how he was going to prank his roommate! That is, until the perfect idea crawled over to him on 6 tiny little legs. It was a fire ant on their kitchen table. Scott knew how terrified Wallace was of them and decided he would take advantage of this fear for revenge and personal gain, like any good friend would.

Scott shot up from his seat at the table and ran outside, the squeaking noises of his shoes against the hard concrete floor stopping abruptly as he stepped out onto the hard dirt ground. The tiny voice of the rational part of his brain (“Hey, Scotty, my guy, how about we don’t intentionally release painful insects that your roommate is deathly afraid of into your apartment? It’s a pretty fucking stupid idea, even for you Scott, and I would know sense I’m your brain and I come up with these ideas in the first place.”) was drowned out by the crackling fire in Scott’s head that could only be put out with sweet, sweet revenge.

2 hours later, after digging around multiple lawns and parks in search of the godforsaken fire ants, Scott had acquired quite a load of the insects in a mason jar. All of the bites and backbreaking physical labor of walking for a while would be worth it once he saw the terrified look on Wallace’s face when he saw the disgusting things crawling freely around their apartment. Scott smiled a wicked smile. All that was left to do was wait for Wallace to get home.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all ever do that thing where you touch your hair and then a strand of hair gets stuck in a crack in your nail? Because that's happening to me right now while I type with the other hand and it's annoying af.
> 
> anywaysssss this should be updated every couple days so stay tuned! thanks for reading.


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